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Sunday, May 26, 2013

Letter to Parents

So I wrote this when I was visiting my mom in florida one time, in March of 2009 I"m pretty sure it was, I also think I was talking to Lora over this time period as well, who ended up having my son tyler about 9 months later.  oh how this entire statement would be a precursor for things to come, I could I have known my son and my fiancee Juli would make some things worse, but other things better , make sure to put on your seatbelt, this is a very bumpy ride, but straight from the heart!

So I'm writing this email because I have come to a realization tonight that I would like to share with the both of you. That realization is that I really hate it, i despise it actually, when the two of you rip on each other and tell me the bad things about the other person. It hurts me deeply when i hear my dad say 'well your mom is like this' where the this is a negative personality trait or character flaw and vice versa when i hear my mom say similar things about my dad. I have been wondering for a while now what about the entire situation still bugs me even to this day so many years later and I really think that this is what it is. It seems that every time I talk with you guys about your ex-spouse, all you have to say is negative or condescending things about them. How do you think this makes me feel?

In case you don't know how this feels I'll give you both a little bit of an example. Ken, your mom Glory was a piece of shit that was a horrible mother and couldn't raise you any better because she was drunk most of the time. Judy, your dad Michael was a piece of shit that was a horrible dad and couldn't raise you any better because he cared more about your other sisters and his bakery shop than he ever cared about you. I hope that my words here have hurt both of you deeply, because that's the point of them.

So, now that you both are pissed off and not feeling good about what I just said, I want you to remember that feeling for the rest of your lives, because that's exactly how the both of you have been making your son feel for the past 15 years whenever you have negative things to say about your ex-spouse. It hurts me more than either of you will ever, can ever, know when you say negative things about either MY mom or MY dad. If you want to know why your kids are messed up and why some of them are still in therapy and have issues about all this stuff after all these years, maybe it's because after 15 years, neither of you have nice things to say about each other. It's all 'well your mom is like this' and 'your dad is like that' and 'your mom did this wrong while we were married' and 'your dad did this wrong while we were married.' well, i'm sick and tired of it and I never want to hear anything like that ever again from either one of you.

If I ever hear one more negative thing about either my mom or my dad come out of either one of your mouths ever again, you can consider our relationship terminated and it will be like you never ever had a son in the first place, because I would rather have both of you dead and not be in any sort of relationship with either one of you then continue to hear the negative things you always have to say about the other one. In fact, a part of me cannot wait till both of you are finally dead so I don't have to deal with this shit ever again because even after all this time, you both still haven't realized what your negative comments about each other does to your son. Maybe I should should just kill myself and make it easier on both of you, then at my funeral, you can both continue to bad mouth each other over my rotting corpse and blame each other for why I killed myself, because it seems like badmouthing and blaming each other is what you both do best, despite both of your assertions to the contrary.

it's been 15 years now and in all that time, I've never ever heard either one of you say one nice thing about the other person and mean it. I'm sure you both wish you could go back and time and not get married to each other so you would never have had me so you wouldn't have to be reading this right now. But i'm sorry, you can't go back in time to erase your 'mistaken marriage' and thus, your mistaken children, we still exist, so you both are going to have to deal with it until i don't exist anymore. I'm sure you probably both want that as soon as possible as well, considering you both want all remembrances of your mistaken relationship with each other wiped out so you never have to remember those horrible times in your life ever again. If that's the case, then I have no problem killing myself to relieve you both of a memory of a mistake that you made so long ago. Heck, if you both had it your way and could go back in time and not marry each other that would be great because I'm sure that's what you both want. Well i could just kill myself and at least it would erase that part of the mistake you made, right? Oh yeah, I'm dead serious about this as well. Just let me know and I'll take care of it. I'll even take out a college loan to help pay for my funeral, because I'm sure you don't want to have to spend more money and time on a mistake then you already have.

related to this, why do you think i always try to stay friends and stay in contact with all of my ex-girlfriends? the reason is because I NEVER want to be like either of you when it comes to how you view your past relationship with each other. I stay in touch and am on good terms with all of them because the way you both have handled your own breakup over these past few years makes me absolutely fucking sick. I don't want to be, and will never ever be, like either one of you when it comes to this, because you have both taught me exactly how not to be with your ex's. I keep in contact and am on good terms with all my ex's to spite you, as a protest against the both of you, in regards to how you both have handled a similar situation with yourselves. maybe my relationships and yours are disanalogous enough for this criticism not to apply. obviously, i have never been married for 20 years and you guys were, but if either of you ever wondered why I still talk to phyllis or why i still talk to marie, this is why. Because I never want to be like either of you when I break up with somebody., the way you both have handled this situation over the past 15 years makes me sick, but at least you taught me how not to be, i guess for that i should be thankful.

So if you both still want to have a son, you both need to invoke the thumper rule with regards to each other at all times. What is the thumper rule you say? Well, thumper told bambi some great advice in their movie together that he got from his mom. his mom told him that if you don't have anything nice to say about somebody, don't say anything at all. From this day forward, if either of you want to continue to have a relationship with your son, you will both invoke the thumper rule with regards to each other at all times. I will no longer sit idlely by while either of you tells me what's wrong with your mother or what's wrong with your dad or why I need to keep my mother at arms length or why my dad wasn't mature enough to be a good father. You can have these opinions, there's nothing wrong with that, but if you want to continue to have a relationship with your son, you will never again tell me about any of these things, you will keep them to yourselves until you are dead because if you don't, then I will be dead to you.

And no, I don't want to talk about any of this with either of you, I just want you to remember this and practice it until I am dead. In fact, I want you both to keep this email, either put it in an email folder or print it out and put it in your wallet. I also want you to read it before every single time you both see me for the rest of your lives. I'm not joking about this either. I'm sick and tired of dealing with this shit and if it means I have to shut either one of you out of my life forever in order to accomplish this, I will do it in a heartbeat. you are both on your last straw, I am done being angered by this and will never again deal with this issue ever again because if I do, then I will never again deal with you either.


So if either of you ever cared about your son or his feelings, you will both respect your son's wishes in regards to this, but even more, you will both respect your son's parents because they are your son's parents, regardless of what you may think of them personally. This is the last time I will ever speak on this subject. hopefully, you guys value your relationship with your son enough to heed his request, even though he was in reality a mistake to begin with. if you want to continue your relationship with your mistake, you will invoke the thumper rule at all times. have a nice day.