Confused Summer Depression

I thought that maybe I should write because I haven’t written in such a long time, at least not like this. I went to Bloomington-normal and then to Springfield two weeks ago, I read and wrote there, but didn’t record any of it. Maybe I will touch on what I wrote down there a little later in this piece, but right now, I’m going to talk about other stuff. What should I talk about…I’m finishing up ecce home by nietzsche, which I started like years ago but stopped because I hadn’t read untimely meditations yet and he talks about all of his works in ecce homo, I thought I would finish reading it after I was done reading all the works he talks about in it, but I decided fuck it, there is only like 50 pages left, just read the book and get it over with, you can always read it again if there is something good that you have missed in it. So I’m starting to get finished with that book, also, I’m almost done with son of man, only a few more pages left in that book as well. After I got laid off from my job at marygrove, I entered a depression that I am not totally out of yet, for one reason or another. I didn’t care about reading anymore and even had a hard time reading comic books some of the time, and I usually eat those things quicker than chicken with kenny’s bbq sauce on them, but I think I am slowly coming out of this depression and I think nietzsche is helping me. I guess that it seems no matter what mood I am in, I can always read nietzsche and he always cheers me up for some reason, I don’t know why, he just does, especially when he starts talking like he talked in zarathustra and all the books he put out after it, he knows what I’m talking about, about that Great Noon when I will look upon you with different eyes, when I will love you with a different love, what the fuck is he talking about? I think he is talking about heaven on earth, the kingdom of heaven, the realm of god, but I’m sure everybody else doesn’t think this. That is also why he embraces the so called negative virtues, because it is only by these virtues that the soul can be formed to the image it should be, it is only through suffering, pain, adversity, that the soul gains the strength it needs in order to become the soul it was meant to be, that is why he is so for those seemingly bad things, because he realizes their value to the soul. That is why he is for evil, criminals and endorses them, because he knows the role evil and criminals must play in the birthing of the realm of god, if Christians would read the book of revelation past the part where they think they are going to be raptured maybe they would understand that. It is not the good and the pious who are going to be raptured, it is the tested and the strong in spirit, who have already undergone the trials that are going to be raptured, truly, a pearl of great price is not just obtained for the asking, one must earn it, must earn god’s grace, if that makes any sense. Well, that’s wrong, it’s not that one must earn anything, it’s that one must prepare oneself, must prepare their soul, for the coming glory and this can only be done through suffering, pain, adversity, etc., etc. to say yes to life, to existence, despite suffering. That is the missing piece of modern day nietzschean scholarship, they all know what he is talking about but they don’t know the end goal, the soul building theodicy as john hick calls it. I think dr. money has an idea and maybe other’s do as well, we’ll see. Anyways, I guess I just wanted to comment on the fact that I love nietzsche and his writing always gives me joy and hope, even when I’m down in the dumps, maybe it’s because through his words, I see hope and purpose in my agony where I saw none before. Who knows, but enough of this for now, let’s move on to another topic. I wrote in Springfield that I only see divinity and reality in Christ, in the realm of god that Christ talked about, that I see truth, justice, love, mercy, humbleness, all of the virtues in all of the other world religions, but for some reason, I only see divinity and reality in Christianity, or at least my version of Christianity and I wonder why that is. I still haven’t come up with any answers, but maybe it’s because the fundamental difference between the message of the realm of god and the message of the other worlds’ religions. I think that Christ’s message was about birthing heaven on earth, I don’t’ see any of the other worlds religions to have this message, they all talk about heaven and Islam pounds judgement day into your head, but none of them discuss the birthing of heaven on earth like I believe Christianity does. Is it for that reason that I see divinity only in Christianity, maybe not just Christianity, but it shines through more in the realm of god and in Christ than in the other religions for me. Why is that? Why don’t I see these things just as clear in other religions as I do in Christianity? Do I, yet I just associate all of these things with Christianity when in fact, they are also in other religions as well? That is probably it, I don’t’ know. I haven’t really come up with any solid answers to this question. Actually, I think I’m hungry, so I’m going to spell check this thing, get something to eat, watch some TV, and end this writing for now. Hope you all enjoyed this. Talk to you soon…