The Hurricane

So I’m fucking tired, it’s like 3:30 am on a Sunday morning, I have to be at jan’s house tomorrow at like 11am and I cannot sleep, I just cannot sleep, I’ve tried to sleep but I cannot sleep, to many things on my mind tonight I guess, ususally these are the best writing sessions as well, when I cannot sleep because so much stuff is on my mind, so let’s see, what’s on my mind tonight, lust, christ, everything, I don’t know, but I guess let’s get started. I have a problem, my problem is lust, but not just sexual lust, although that is a problem that I have as well, but my lust is not only a sexual lust, but a spiritual one as well, what augustine callecd ‘a lust of the soul,’ my insatiable curiosity, usually this would be a good thing, post-modern day society considers it a good thing, academia considers it a good thing, I even have considered it a good thing, but I am beginning to rethink that thought. Why do I want all fo this knowledge, I try to justify my academic lust by saying that I’m a philosopher so I’m a lover of wisdom so I should want to know a lot of stuff, but that’s the word right there isn’t it, know, a philosopher is not a lover of knowledge, he is not a philognosis, he is a philo sopia, a lover of wisdom not of knowledge, and that is all the books I read are giving me is, knowledge, not wisdom, I can read an infinite amount of books and gain an infinite amount of knowledge, but all that knowledge, added together, beaches and beaches of it, may only amount to a few sand grains of wisdom and the funny thing is, I know all this wisdom without reading a book, books are only tools, crutches, to help us understand and uncover the wisdom which is always, has always, and will always be inside of us, all religion and philosophy is only a means to bringing this out in us, is only a means for making the soul that we are shine through this filtered glass we call our selves,
but let’s see, I’ll make a paragraph break to make it easier for you to read jan, I know my writing is difficult and I used to be lazy in my punctuation and grammar because of stupid reasons, but if I really want somebody to read it, to get some use out of it, I’m going to have to stop being selfish and start making it more accessible to all you lay men and women out their, you are all the reason I write anyways, I tried to fool myself in the past my saying my writing is only for me and that I only want me to read it, but that is all a big line of bullshit, I write for you and only for you, but since I write for you, the only person that I write for is me, know what I mean, I hope so, if not, keep reading so that one day, you won’t have to read, know what I mean, but anyways, I guess all my writings have been one big blog, I have just realized it as of recently, but they have been, they are totally meant for the outside world, I guess I’m just scared because I do some really strange role playing in my earlier writings so I don’t want people getting the wrong idea about me, or me getting the wrong idea about me, but it was only me trying to figure myself out the best way that I know how, assuming identies because I didn’t have one of my own or because my ego wanted one that was greater than the one that I had, I still do this even to this day and the only thing that I have to say to that is that if you see the buddha in the mirror or on the road, kill him, because it is the false-buddha, the anti-christ, satan himself, whom I was in some of my earlier writings, now I know that it was that side of me that needs to die in order so that I can resurrected in His image, in the True image and I guess I should elaborate more on what I mean by this.
I watched the movie ‘hurricane’ tonight with denzel washington which is the story about ruben carter and the man bob dylan sang the song about, what I realized while I was sitting in bed trying to fall asleep but couldn’t is that his life is almost exactly like christ’s, not exactly, but yes exactly, what I mean by this is that his life conforms to the, what the heck do I even call it, the mystic christ, which is not only in the new testament, but also in the old testament and in the mystical writings of all the other religions, read the jesus mysteries or thus spoke zarathustra or the sufi sidi mohammad and music of the soul to understand what I’m saying. It’s the same story over and over again, that is why these people compare some of the pagan myths to the christ story, because it is the same story, but that doesn’t mean the christ never existed or that he did exist, it means that the historical jesus doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter at all, if you think that jesus existing matters to christianity or religion or existence or life, you miss the whole point of jesus and of the gospels and of religion and philosophy and christianity and existence, it doesn’t matter, christ actually existed, christ didn’t actually exist, WHO CARES!!! If you do, you miss the whole point of the teachings of christ, what matters is the story and how you can apply that story to your own life, this isn’t coming out as well as I wanted it to, how can I explain it better, it’s the death of your self in order to become YOURSELF, it’s in the Bhagavad-Gita, seeing the Self through the self, dying to what you think you are and being reborn to what you really are, doing the stations, cleaning the nafs, I’m getting all bogged down in language and this isn’t coming out the way I want it too, but I guess the point is that ruben carter, the hurricane, lived this life out in modern times, you must live this life out in modern times if you want to achieve the ideal set forth in the scriptures, you must rise above the injustice that hurricane faced in order to be reborn in the Image you were meant to be reborn as, that is the point of the story of Job, that is the point of why children survived the tsunami disaster, because as nietzsche teaches us, this suffering, this injustice, this pain, if overcome, turns man into the soul he is, this overcoming will eventually kill the self in order to be a beacon of the Self, that is why in the book of genesis, the people all took on new names when they encountered God, abram became Abraham, jacob became Israel, this name changing symbolozis what I am trying to convey with this writing, and I guess that I need to overcome this in order to become Jason, not a God or God himself, but the Soul that I am, the Soul that we all are, in order to complete the Great Work, the manifestation of God on earth, thy will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven, the final step, the reunification of the God-Soul, the cool thing is that rueben carter is just another living modern day example of what each of us needs to go through in order to die to ourselves so that we can become Ourselves, what a great movie, and I guess I’m going to blog this and add some quotes to my blog which will hopefuly, clear up a few things, talk to you all later, maybe I can get some sleep now, luego……….