First Real Blog Ever

So this is my first document of 2005, I never write much anymore, so I guess that when I do I want it to be good. Sara also convinced me to start a blog, I wonder whether I will put this writing on my blog or not, who knows, I guess that we’ll see when I get finished with it. But there seems to be a recurrent theme in my life as of late, well, to be honest with you there is always a recurrent theme in my life, it’s weird how my life works that way, or how the universe works with my life in order to semminly teach me a lesson or two, this used to happen a lot in college, at least I noticed it a lot in college, too much so in fact that it weirded me out on too many occassions, I don’t notice it as much anymore, I don’t know why, maybe because the daily 9-5 and living with my girlfriend in the ‘real world’ doesn’t give me as much time to reflect on it as I used to in college, who knows, but when I was watching these superman cartoons, that I bought on a dvd for a dollar at target the other day, your welcome sara and paul, I have watched four episodes so far and they all seem to have a recurrent theme, that theme being technology gone awry and superman, who is an alien, has to come to save humanity from some human using machines and technolgy in order to hurt other humans. Mostly the common 40’s criminal stuff, like stealing and ransoming and power grabs, but it seems that all the supervilians in the cartoons are geniuses who have used therir intelligence to create machines that allow them to do whatever they want to the rest of us powerless, useless humans, which brings out many themse I think, one of which I think is the human feeling of powerlessness, uncontrollability, I tink that we all have these feelings from time to time and I’m sure that one could argue that our creation of technology is in response to these feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. Nietzsche wrote about this extensively in his writings, that is why the will to power is so important an d central in theme, because he knew more than anybody those feelings of weakness, inferiority, powerlessness and he hated them, so he idealized what he thought was their oppossite. There’s a lot more in nietzsche of course, but this is definitely one of his surface themes. I am also reading a book right now called forbidden knowledge by roger shattuck, which deals with the curses that intelligence and curiousity and advancing technology can have on us. First, he deals with adam and eve and paradise lost and frakenstein and faust and all the rest of that stuff, I am only half way through his book, but I think that the main thesis of his book is that we have limits on other things in this world, but not on knowledge and he wonders if knowledge is something that should be unlimited. It makes me think of liberals and conservatives, his book is definitely the latter, and maybe it should be. I was watching another thing today, a star trek next generation episode, where picard and co. was about to make first contact with a world about to achieve warp energy, a whole bunch of shit ensued and riker almost died, but the president of the world decided to not allow the federation to make first contact and asked them to leave, until a time when their world was ready to be let inot the federation of planets and achieve the technological success of warp core energy. The moral in all these stories seems to say that if we move too fast, technologically speaking, we will bring bad things upon us. This is one of the themes. Back to the consservative thing, maybe that is why there are conservatives and liberals, the latter makes us progress up that evolutgionary ladder, technologically, morally, socially, etc. etc., and the conservatives and reactionaries are their to make sure that this progression doesn’t go to fast, goes at the right and most healthiest pace for us. So maybe that means that as the liberals get more and more extreme, the conservatives get more and more extreme in countermeasure to that. It’s like deep down in all of us, there is this like collective mind (maybe) that guides our actions and is wha tmakes some people conservative and others liberal in just the right balance, and the more extreme one side get’s the more extreme the other gets in order to balance each other out so that humanity can evolve at just the right pace. Maybe that is why I read liberal and conservative stuff, I see good stuff in both of their rightings, I probably lean more toward the liberal side, but the conservatives have an important role because if we move too fast, disastrous stuff may happen, like the villians in superman cartoons. Another interesting thing that I wanted to talk about within these movies and stuff is the idea that humanity cannot save itself, in the superman cartoons, it takes an alien to save us, being superman, in religion, it takes god or jesus who whomever to save us, it seems that maybe deep down, a lot of us feel like we cannot save ourselves and we need some kind of outside interference to protect us from ourselves, god, aliens, government, parents, whatever. But I was also watched the movie I robot tonight with will smith and the theme seems to come out there as well. The computers, human technology, goes out of control and it actually takes a special robot, sunny, with some help from humans, to save humanity from the evolved supercomputer niki, but the same thing seems to apply to all of these thigns. So how am I supposed to interpret this. Is this only apply to me, is it god or the unvierse or my unconcious or aliens or something trying to tell me that I am moving too fast with my intellectual pursuits, is it these same things trying to tell me that humanity is moving too fast with these intellectual pursuits, is it both or neither, is it just because I am reading this book forbidden knowledge and that in order to better learn and understand the lesson that this book is trying to teach me all this other stuff is ‘brought’ into my life in order to impress the lesson on me. This is actually a pretty common occurrence in my life, it seems that my life events seem to help me understand the stuff that I am reading, this has happened ever since college and probably before then, it is probably happening to all of us all the time, I just think that I might notice it a little bit more than the rest of people, but not all of the people. My friend alan watts from border’s had this stuff happen to him, maybe even more so than myself. I will never forget my conversations with him and in that moment of trepidation and self doubt in borders, he was praying to god to give him something, he was calling out to god for help and what do you know, the next thing that he looked at was a book called ‘my own worst enemy’ and who was it by, alan watts, which is his name. That is even too synchonistic for my taste. But I guess for some people, it takes more hitting them on the head than other people. I know that it took a big hammer to hit me on the head before I realized a bunch of things. But anyways, so what is the point of all of this. I don’t know, it’s just me tring to make sense of my existence I guess. So the next question becomes, do I put this on my blog, my new blog, I don’t know, I don’t’ think my fellow bloggers will appreciate this, you have to have a certain sense of familiarity with my writings to understand some of the stuff that I say here and my there are so many grammatical and spelling errors and why I want it that way, basically to prevent dogmatism, if you can understand what that means, I can hear sara telling me that is a stupid way to prevent that, maybe, but it’s the deeper meaning that the misspelling is mean tto imply which is important, which is what I am really trying to get at, whom my true readers will know and understand and appreciate. I’ve learned so much from nietzsche, I can’t wait to get the gay science and human, all too human, which I’m gong to order pretty soon and read, so much I learned that semester which impacts me even to this day. My girlfriend is in the other room trying to fall asleep I wasn’t tired because we had a snow day today and I sleep till almost noon, and I can never fall asleep before I’ve woken up, you know what I mean, probably not but that’s allright, what else should I talk about. I hate religion, I can never swallow any religion whole and I don’t like that fact. Judaism sucks because of how evil god is in the old testament, there are so many passages where he tells the israelites to kill kill kill and leave nothing left alive, islam is the same way, but not to that degree if you can believe it, but of course, there is the infamous ‘slay the idoloters wherver you see them lay in wait for them and attack them, but if they accept allah and stop trying to kill you, forgive them, surely allah is merciful, all forgiving,’ or something like that, so those two religions are out, chrisitanity sounds good, but if you only knew how much of paganism chrisitanity really is, you probably woldn’t be christian, read ‘the jesus mysteries’ or ‘the two babylons’ for more on this subject, but I guess I am christian and on that beliefnet survey I scored 100% neo-paganism and after what I read, christianity and paganism might as well be identical, so whatever that means, the eastern religions are good, but I don’t like buddhism ‘s emphasis on ascetisism because buddhist ascetisicim is unbuddhistic, shelley, asceticism is not what the buddha taught, taoism is good, but it is only the liberal spiritual version of confucianism, there are two sides of the same religion, yin and yang if you will, to be honest with you , I am starting to lean more and more toward the bahai faith, but I’m sure that I will find a problem with it and then not be able to swallow it whole, I am about 85% all the religions of the world and anotehr 15% not any of the religions of the world, but I guess the even better question is, why do I care so much, what is wrong with being an interfaith mystic philosopher that I feel like I have to lebel myself some denomination, is it because everybody always ask me what I am…hiold on…so my girlfriend is calling for me to go to bed, I guess that I should go to bed, I can only type for about 2-3 pages anyway before my shit starts gong bad and I start ramblingh and raving even worsle than I do for the first 1-2 pages, but but but but…what else was going on today, my girlfriend was raving about the whole middle eastern issue, specifically israel and palestine, I dind’t know she cared so much about it, it like really hit home with her today for some reason, I don’t know why, it was interesting to observe , I don’t’ know what to make of it really, humh…so I guess that I will think more about this topic of forbidden knowledge and knowledge going to fast and hopefully I willl come to some conclusions and if I caome to some conclusions, hopefully I willl write them down so that ya’ll can read them and then com eto your own conclusions I guess that will be all for now, so do I blog this one or not…geez sara, my writing is private, I really don’t even like marie reading a lot of it, but I guess she get’s to listen to it anyways, so who cares, huh, but by putting it on the internet, I let the world inside, I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet, yeach the idea about getting a book deal and stuff sounds cool, but to be honest with you, I don’t care about that shit, I don’t really want to get a book deal and publish a book and make a lot of money and all that bullshit, I want to be a truth finder and a truth teller, whatever that means, it’s my job, it’s what I was trained to do, it’s what I got my degree in, it’s why I want to be a teacher, not becaues I care about any of the bullshit, I care about the truth, I know that sounds hopelessly noble, but it’s true, I pray that it’s true, I pray to god to be open to the truth and to find it wherever I can and not to let my own small mindedness and biases and whatever get in the way of my quest for truth, I actually see this quest for truth obscured and not at the universities and in academia like I thought it was when I was in school and is absolutely fucking sickens me. I was talking to alex on the way to the movie kinsey and I asked him, does pure science exist??? No matter what, our biases and other shit seems to get in the way, what scientist can be totally objective, what robert anton wilson said is true to a certain extent, what the thinker thinks, the prover proves, their will be 6 scientists who find evidence to support a claim and 3 scientists to find evidence to dispute a claim, who is correct, who is doing science, does pure science exist in this situation, if pure science doesn’t exist, what does that say about science, about religion, about salvation, about politics, about a whole slew of shit. This is what nietzsche talked about when he talked about the death of god, not the death of God, but the death of objectivity, the death of the objective nonbiased viewpoint from which to view the world. Who has this, who plato, can escape this fucking cave and see reality for what it really is, I’d like to believe that I had a moment once, a few years ago, where I got to escape the cave, for just one brief moment and see what reality was really like, but how do I know how pure that was? So does all science come down to politics and everybody’s own agenda? I fucking hate politics and to think that academia isn’t about the search for truth but about finding evidence for and supporting your own political agenda, your own idea for what the truth is, your own idea of what science is and should be, makes me want to cry. The more I learn about academia, the more I don’t want to be a part of it. I don’t know what else I want to write anymore, but I guess I covered a lot of topics and distance today, oh my god, I’ve spilled onto my fourth page, I never ever do that, I guess that this was a good session, but I wish I had a cigaretter, I miss smoking so much. I may go see my good friend mortdog next weekend, so I’m happy about that. I wonder if I write different if I know I’m going to blog this entry than if I did pre-blog days, well I guess we all evolve and who knows, maybe someday someboyd will actually read this and be able to read in it, and not just on the surface, somebody will be able to peake inside my own soul through these words and through my own soul, see his own soul staring out at him, tha is what the truth is, or at least my version of it…talk it easy kids, till next time, luego…..